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Updated: Apr 25

The Word is GOTCHA

Definition: Merriam-Webster Dictionary: an unexpected usually disconcerting challenge, revelation, or catch. Also; an attempt to embarrass, expose, or disgrace someone (such as a politician) with a gotcha.

Posted 4/24/23

I have been contemplating writing about this word for a few weeks now. Mindful of its content, my goal is to deliver a message that embraces the importance of truth and respect. I hope I have succeeded.

My Story on GOTCHA

When I hear the word “GOTCHA" I pick up on a distinct inflection in the person's voice. I also take note of their proud as a peacock (full feathered) stance. Both grossly accentuate the negative message inflicted by one human being on another. It is a painful image of arrogance and disrespect.

I envision “Gotcha” moments as a dance designed to exploit, with fact or fiction (it doesn’t seem to matter which), a specific agenda. Respect, common decency, and honesty are replaced with words meant to embarrass, malign, or take a person down a notch or two. Sometimes the intent is far worse.

The proud as a peacock "gotcha" movement is harmful to individuals, communities, and nations. And when words with cruel intentions go viral, they can breed retaliation. In cases like that, we can all agree that everyone loses.

When I ask myself what kind of person enjoys making others feel this way, unfortunately, the answer I keep coming up with is too many. Bullies on the playground, disrupters on social media platforms, politicians, co-workers, spouses, friends, family, and foes contribute to the "gotcha" movement.

Imagine for a moment if all this negative energy turned positive. What if the “gotcha" movement reversed course to establish a talk and listen to each other approach setting boundaries against mean-speak or “gotcha” moments?

I suggest, in the name of positive change, we take a step back and ask ourselves a few questions:

  1. When did lying or cruelty to our fellow man become accepted or normalized?

  2. How can we make truth, respect, acceptance, and caring the norm again (or for the first time if it never really was for some)?

Until we have those answers, maybe we start a movement of our own. We can call it the “Kindness" movement. Instead of catching people off guard and hurting them, we advocate for understanding and listening to each other with empathy and curiosity. Maybe then we'll realize we have more in common than we thought and will stop hurting each other.

“Gotcha’s” happens in the home, in the workplace, among friends, and in the political and economic arena. I think it's safe to say they affect all of us at one time or another.

If you’ve been on the giving or receiving end of the “gotcha” dance and want to make a change, I'd like to help. As your coach, we'll uncover the strength within you to motivate your own kindness movement and see how you can help make it grow.

I offer a free one-hour consultation to get things started. To schedule an appointment email me at or visit my website at

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The Word is FEAR

Definition: Merriam-Webster Dictionary: To be afraid of. An unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger. Anxious alarm.

Posted 4/3/23

My Story on Fear

What is fear? Why does it hold such a significant place in our lives? Anthropologists might argue that fear is part of our basic survival instinct of fight or flight. When faced with the threat of a saber-toothed tiger, the caveman had two choices, fight and kill the tiger to feed his family or flight. Flight meant to run and live to fight the tiger another day. Survival is key. Think it through and always choose life.

The message is pretty much the same today.

Fear may challenge our courage and our confidence. So we might ask ourselves if we're up to the challenge.

Fear may question our ability to confront the many complexities of life. Again, we might ask ourselves if we're up to the challenge.

It was Viktor Frankl* who said "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."

This statement applies to fears of all kinds. It is giving yourself the power to respond thoughtfully and not impulsively. And if you do fail, chances are there is a lesson to be learned and you’ll do better the next time or the time after that.

Think for a moment how effective you would be if you weren’t afraid to speak your mind or take a step in a direction that would improve the quality of your life (or possibly the lives of others).

What if thoughts of failure, rejection, or judgment were replaced by boosts in confidence, courage, and strength resulting in successful actions and accomplishments?

Take a moment and consider these two statements:

  • I want to make a change but I'm afraid of rejection, judgment, and failure.

  • I am ready to make a change and will take on the challenges with clarity of mind, but I can't do it alone.

If they resonate with you, I'd like to offer you a free one-hour coaching session.

Together we can work on lowering the volume of that fearful voice in your head and raise the voice of confidence, courage, and strength against all those tigers that may cross your path.

Please e-mail me at to schedule an appointment. Thank you for reading my blog. I hope it has inspired and motivated you to take action to help ease any fears in your life that might be holding you back.

*Victor Frankl - Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist, philosopher and author (1905-1997)

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The word is DISENGAGE

Definition: Merriam-Webster Dictionary: to release from something that engages or involves. To release or detach oneself

I pride myself on keeping up with the news, history, the people in my world, and the daily demands of my life. But when it comes to going on a vacation, I take even more pride in my ability to disengage from it all.

Posted 1/23/23

My Story on Disengage

Due to the generosity and kindness of some friends, I was able to take a much-welcome vacation. After two flights, a forty-five-minute bus trip, and a 20-minute ferry ride, I arrived on a Caribbean Island in the US Virgin Islands. Laughingly, as we stepped onto the dock, greeted by Caribbean music, smiling hosts, and rum punch, I thought “Welcome to The White Lotus.” The drama of that Netflix series was nowhere to be seen during my stay, but the feeling of calmness and beauty afforded by this resort certainly was.

Gone from my mind were the timelines, guidelines, and headlines of daily life. Sure they would all be there when I returned home. But for now, I was officially off the grid and bathing in the organic way each day unfolded. Wind in my hair, sand beneath my toes, sun on my face. A Caribbean Island, where the biggest challenges of the day were deciding which beach to plant ourselves on and where to seek nourishment. A pretty great escape, right?

Right, but this is where I'm going to switch gears and let day-to-day life kick back in. Most people, myself included, rarely have the opportunity of escaping to a Caribbean Island when life gets challenging or stressful. But we do have the ability to disengage from daily stress by exercising that wonderful organ in our heads called our brain by escaping in our thoughts and our focus. And it only takes a few minutes for our body to respond. There's a whole physiology that goes along with this practice, but suffice it to say, that your body can relax you when you mindfully disengage from the stress. Disengaging is a learned behavior, one we can all embrace.

Here's an example of what I mean. I bore witness to the tension on one of my co-worker's faces during an unusually stressful day. Her eyes were welling up with tears and I could sense that panic was about to set in. No actual island could take her stress away at this moment. But, alternatively, she could disengage by mindfully guiding her body away from the stress and to somewhere calm and safe.

Disengaging for a few moments means reprogramming your mind to engage in whatever works for you. Some find it helpful to take deep cleansing breaths, while others may take a short walk. Some seek comfort in meditating, calling a friend, or listening to music. Perhaps a memory, of a happy time allows you to disengage from the stress and bring you somewhere else, if only for a few moments. Whatever you choose, the calming and healing effect is within your mind's eye, anywhere and anytime.

Maybe you find yourself re-living a moment on a beach, wind in your hair, sand beneath your toes, and sun on your face. That’s where I go, if only for a moment and without having to take two flights, a forty-five-minute bus trip, and a 20-minute ferry ride. Mind over matter is the power to draw strength from our minds no matter where we are and to then go about our day more refreshed, clear-headed and engaged.

If you find yourself stressing out with no idea how to disengage from it, you may want to talk to a Life Coach. I hope you reach out to me. Together we will discover the shift in mindset that works best for you.

To help get you started, I offer a free one-hour consultation.

Please e-mail me at to schedule an appointment. Thank you for reading my blog. I hope it has inspired and motivated you to take action to help ease your own daily stress.

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