LIFE IN A WORD

The word is HATE

Definition: Merriam-Webster Dictionary: intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury

Posted 12/4/23

Hate is my least favorite word in the English language. Everything about the word makes me reject it and the damage it causes. It is a path I never choose to take. In my opinion, it is a path none of us should ever take, and yet it seems to be all around us.

My Story on Hate

I recently came across a Native American story that inspired me.

"A grandfather talking to his young grandson tells the boy he has two wolves inside of him, struggling with each other. The first is the wolf of peace, love, and kindness. The other is the wolf of fear, greed, and hatred. "Which wolf will win, grandfather?" asks the young boy. "Whichever one you feed" is the reply.”

From a very early age, I was taught that hate never solved anything. I learned that it does not come from strength. Hate comes from fear and in many cases from weakness.

Hate grows when left to its own devices. People who hate have the potential to destroy everything in their way without remorse. I wholeheartedly reject feeding the wolf of fear, greed, and hatred that may reside inside of me.

It is one of the reasons why I became a “Health and Life” Coach.

I encourage my clients who are wrought with anger and pain to put into action steps that allow them to grow and move forward, rather than to wallow in emotions that evoke hate. I encourage them to feed the wolves of peace, love, and kindness. I provide them with tools that empower them. They learn what they can control and what they cannot. I teach them empathy and curiosity. I steer them away from frustration and anger.

Life is hard, not always, but often enough. And the challenges we have to overcome grow even more complex with hate as an answer. I am sure of that.

I believe life improves when we recognize and focus on three basic birthrights. Three rights that every child born into this world deserves and should hold onto throughout their lives:

1. The right to feel safe

2. The right to belong

3. The right to be loved
   

There is no right to hate on this list.

To expand on these rights, please read on.

The right to feel safe. At an early age, we teach our children to look both ways before crossing the street, not to touch a hot stove and not to talk to strangers. We want them to be safe. Despite our best efforts, none of us are always safe. But it is a right we should do our best to preserve.

The right to belong. Belonging comes from situations where common ground and a sense of community live. Families establish belonging with each other, religious groups, student groups, parent groups, musicians, actors, professionals, politicians, artists, and teams. The list is endless.

The right to be loved. That starts at birth, too. When a child comes into this world they have the right to be cared for and loved. As they grow, that right follows them. My maternal grandmother always made each of her sixteen grandchildren feel special and loved. I have done the same with my kids and my grandkids. This feeling brings joy and can be contagious when shared. Hate has the opposite impact. It destroys and tears people apart.

I want to leave you with the words of Victor Frankl, a psychiatrist, philosopher, and holocaust survivor who stated the following: “Everything can be taken from a man, but one thing; the last of the human freedoms - to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s way.”

I learned with my Health & Life Coaching tools and through a program on Mental Fitness and the power of Positive Intelligence* that “given any set of circumstances, I can choose my way”.

I can help you do the same by:

• Heeding the call of your three birth rights

• Working on your power of positive intelligence

• Showing up with empathy and curiosity

• Feeding the peaceful, loving, and kind wolf inside of you

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Looking to learn more about my practice and this program on Mental Fitness and Positive intelligence?* I invite you to visit my website: http://bit.ly/3srFKL8 to get all the details.

I offer a free one-hour consultation with no obligations. I encourage you to take advantage of this opportunity to enhance your life and reach your goals.

*Mental Fitness program created by Shirzad Chamire. Author of the NYT bestseller "Positive Intelligence".

LIFE IN A WORD

The word is BETTER

Definition: Merriam-Webster Dictionary: improved in health or mental attitude

Posted 10/23/23

In these challenging times, it's more important than ever to check in with our loved ones and find ways to support each other. Lately, I've avoided the greeting “How are you?" when interacting with family and friends. Why? Because most of us are not doing so great. We're confused, afraid, and, in some cases, falling into periods of depression. So instead of asking “How are you” I ask “What’s going on in your world today?” This open-ended question allows you to share, vent, and unload. The honest exchange of thoughts and emotions can have a very cathartic effect.

As a Life Coach, my goal is twofold:

1. To guide my clients on to a path of self-awareness and exploration

2. To help them uncover, navigate, and activate behaviors that lead to a better way of thinking, acting, and living

Although we can't ignore the events of the world, we can control how much of them we let in on any given day. We can turn off our cell phone alerts, limit our time on social media, and curtail our viewing of cable and network news. In addition to those actions, we can remind ourselves of the parts of our lives that make us smile and the parts we are most grateful for. If we can’t think of any, perhaps we can ask others how they find theirs. I’ll share some of mine with you now. And after you read my story, I encourage you to schedule your free one-hour consultation to help get you on a better path.

My Story on "Better"

I admit to being a bit of a news junkie. I start my day watching fifteen to twenty minutes of national news, just enough to catch the headlines and a bit more. Those fifteen to twenty minutes consistently leave me feeling exasperated. In March 2020 (the onset of the Pandemic), I decided to practice yoga for twenty to thirty minutes immediately following the morning news. Science has supported the fact that yoga is excellent for reducing stress.

In recent weeks, with the additional national and global unrest, I have added a 10-minute meditation practice to my morning routine. This routine has allowed me to start my day off feeling better. It can be an option for you too simply by going to the YouTube Channel and searching for "Yoga with Adriene".

I bring this up to drive home an important point. We have the power to incorporate something into our day that will make us feel better. It need not be a thirty-minute yoga class or ten minutes of meditation. In fact, for just a moment yesterday, the vibrant colors of the autumn leaves made the pond I drove past look like a painting come to life.

The warmth of my family gathering this week for the celebration of my mom's 92nd birthday instilled a deep sense of gratitude for still having her in our lives.

The possibilities for feeling better are there if we take a moment to look around and notice them. Simply walking in your neighborhood could result in a friendly encounter with a neighbor.

Consider the look on the face of an elderly person when you stop by to simply say hello. I did just that yesterday. As she opened her front door, you couldn't help but notice the smile that came to her face.

Kind exchanges make people feel better.

Doing any of these things doesn’t make life perfect or erase sadness or pain, but doing them more often allows for those moments to take root. And the more we focus on those happy moments the lower the impact of that which brings us down. And before you know it, you’re training your mind to think better, feel better, and show the world the better side of you. And that my friends can be contagious. So take a few minutes today to smile at someone you pass in a store or on the street. Call someone to tell them you love them.

Take the time to make yourself and someone else feel better. If we all do our part, there will be more to smile about, I guarantee it. And that sounds really good about now.

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Life is filled with challenges, and having the right tools makes a huge difference in how you manage them. As your Life Coach, I will provide you with those tools. I invite you to reach out to me, so we can get started. I know it will be time well spent.

I offer a free one-hour consultation. Please email me at innervoicelifecoach08@gmail.com to schedule an appointment.

LIFE IN A WORD

The word is ENOUGH

Definition: Merriam-Webster Dictionary: in or to a degree or quantity that satisfies or is sufficient or necessary for satisfaction.

Posted 9/26/23

My story on ENOUGH

Every day seems to come with more challenges and less time to take them on. With so many tasks swirling around in our heads, words like stressed, anxious, and worried take over even before we get out of bed. Throwing the covers over our heads seems like a great idea, although not an option.

However, setting realistic goals is. So the question comes down to how do you determine what's realistic. What will be enough?

As a Life Coach, I help my clients uncover the answers. I start by advocating actions like making lists, taking small steps, and brain dumping because what you have to accomplish on any given day may impact your mood, your mental and physical health, and your ability to adapt to your surroundings.

Let’s focus on THE LIST first:

The list has three categories: Urgent/Important/Flexible

URGENT - Must be completed today.

IMPORTANT - It would be good to complete these today.

FLEXIBLE - When I run out of time, I know these can wait.

Under the category of “Urgent”, taking care of oneself (self-care) should be at the top of your list. Simply stated, we are at our best when well-rested, well-nourished, and clear-headed.

Next, we’ll focus on SMALL STEPS:

I advocate committing to a healthy morning boost for yourself. This answers the call for self-care. If you can, wake up 20 minutes earlier to get in a relaxing (rather than a rushed) shower, a quiet meditation, or a short walk. This healthy boost of energy, first thing in the morning, allows for a positive start to your day.

Another example of a small step is to ask for help. Although this comes with resistance, give it a try. The results may pleasantly surprise you. Consider making a small change to your daily routine. It could be something as simple as sharing breakfast responsibilities. Maybe let someone else do it three times a week.

And lastly, and this is my favorite, the BRAIN DUMP:

Remember all those thoughts swirling around in your mind first thing in the morning, stressing you out, increasing your anxiety, and making you worry? Unload them. Truly, write them down. Get them out of your head. Add them to your "to-do" list on your cell phone or on a piece of paper. For example:

• I’m worried about - being late for an appointment.

• I'm anxious about making a mistake at work or home.

• I'm worried about more of the same chaos today.

Here's an interesting statistic to contemplate. A study conducted by Psychology Today revealed that 80% of what we spend our time worrying about never happens. That bears repeating. 80% of what we spend our time worrying about NEVER HAPPENS. So I encourage you to brain dump and focus on the 20% of the things you can change, accomplish, and control. It will free your mind of the anxiety your lack of control robs you of.

Most importantly, even if you can’t accomplish all the things on your list, on any given day, celebrate the ones you did. Allow yourself to know you did the best you could and that was okay, in fact, that was enough!

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If you’re having trouble managing your day or your life, it might be time to talk to a Life Coach. I encourage you to reach out to me. I am currently scheduling appointments for October and November. Email me at innervoicelifecoach08@gmail.com. I also invite you to visit my website to learn more about my practice bit.ly/3srFKL8