LIFE IN A WORD

The Word is ESTRANGEMENT

Definition-Merriam-Webster Dictionary: The state of being alienated or separated in feeling or affection. It can describe the breakdown of a friendship, family relationship, or marriage, whether by circumstance or by choice.

About "LIFE IN A WORD"

Each month, I select one word that captures a powerful life lesson - one that has shaped how I think, feel, and grow. My hope is that these reflections inspire you to pause, look inward, and explore what that same word might mean in your own life.

Posted 7/30/26

I believe we are living in a world filled with missed opportunities for understanding—opportunities that too often lead to estrangement among friends, families, and colleagues. While the reasons vary, whether political differences, emotional conflicts, or simple misunderstandings, one thing remains true: in most cases, estrangement becomes a lose/lose proposition.

Political polarization has certainly played a role. Research from Syracuse University's Institute for Democracy, Journalism and Citizenship reports that more than 70% of Americans now view members of the opposing political party as immoral or extreme—a dramatic increase over previous decades. When disagreement becomes a reason to dismiss someone's humanity, relationships suffer.

According to Dr. Arthur Brooks, Harvard professor and researcher on happiness and purpose, family estrangement now affects nearly one-third of American adults. While distancing ourselves may provide temporary relief, he notes that the long-term emotional impact often resembles grief.

Why is this happening?

Part of the answer lies in how our brains respond to conflict. When we feel threatened, our amygdala—the brain's alarm system—activates our fight, flight, or freeze response. Thousands of years ago, this helped our ancestors survive saber-toothed tigers. Today, the "tiger" is more likely to be a harsh comment, a disagreement, or a painful reminder of something from our past. We react before we reflect.

That reaction often looks like the childhood version of leaving the sandbox. Someone hurts our feelings, so we pick up our toys and go home. Instead of asking questions, seeking understanding, or allowing space for healing, we walk away. While that may bring short-term relief, it often leaves both people carrying unresolved hurt.

Many estrangements are fueled not only by the present conflict but by wounds from the past. A current disagreement can awaken an old hurt, causing us to see today's relationship through yesterday's pain. Before closing the door on someone, it's worth asking: Am I responding to this person—or to an old experience that this situation reminds me of?

There is one important exception. Abuse—whether physical, emotional, or verbal—is never something anyone should tolerate. In those situations, distance may be necessary for safety and healing.

But for many other relationships, there may still be a door worth knocking on.

Curiosity has the power to interrupt judgment. Listening can soften assumptions. Honest conversations can uncover misunderstandings before they become permanent separations.

Not every relationship can or should be restored, but many deserve the opportunity.

Life is too short to let pride, assumptions, or old wounds write the final chapter. Perhaps the opposite of estrangement isn't agreement—it is the willingness to remain curious, to seek understanding, and to leave room for reconciliation whenever possible.

After all, our greatest gifts are often found not in being right, but in staying connected.

LIFE IN A WORD

The Word is ESTRANGEMENT

Definition: Merriam-Webster Dictionary:  The state of being alienated or separated in feeling or affection. It can describe the breakdown of a friendship, family relationship, or marriage, whether by circumstance or by choice.

About "LIFE IN A WORD"

Each month, I select one word that captures a powerful life lesson - one that has shaped how I think, feel, and grow. I hope that these reflections inspire you to pause, look inward, and explore what that same word might mean in your own life.

Published 7/30/26

I believe we are living in a world filled with missed opportunities for understanding—opportunities that too often lead to estrangement among friends, families, and colleagues. While the reasons vary - whether political differences, emotional conflicts, or simple misunderstandings, one thing remains true: in most cases, estrangement becomes a lose/lose proposition.

Political polarization has certainly played a role. Research from Syracuse University's Institute for Democracy, Journalism and Citizenship reports that more than 70% of Americans now view members of the opposing political party as immoral or extreme—a dramatic increase over previous decades. When disagreement becomes a reason to dismiss someone's humanity, relationships suffer.

According to Dr. Arthur Brooks, Harvard professor and researcher on happiness and purpose, family estrangement now affects nearly one-third of American adults. While distancing ourselves may provide temporary relief, he notes that the long-term emotional impact often resembles grief.

Why is this happening?

Part of the answer lies in how our brains respond to conflict. When we feel threatened, our amygdala—the brain's alarm system—activates our fight, flight, or freeze response. Thousands of years ago, this helped our ancestors survive saber-toothed tigers. Today, the "tiger" is more likely to be a harsh comment, a disagreement, or a painful reminder of something from our past. We react before we reflect.

That reaction often looks like the childhood version of leaving the sandbox. Someone hurts our feelings, so we pick up our toys and go home. Instead of asking questions, seeking understanding, or allowing space for healing, we walk away. While that may bring short-term relief, it often leaves both people carrying unresolved hurt.

Many estrangements are fueled not only by the present conflict but by wounds from the past. A current disagreement can awaken an old hurt, causing us to see today's relationship through yesterday's pain. Before closing the door on someone, it's worth asking: Am I responding to this person—or to an old experience that this situation reminds me of?

There is one important exception. Abuse—whether physical, emotional, or verbal—is never something anyone should tolerate. In those situations, distance may be necessary for safety and healing.

But for many other relationships, there may still be a door worth knocking on.

Curiosity has the power to interrupt judgment. Listening can soften assumptions. Honest conversations can uncover misunderstandings before they become permanent separations. Not every relationship can or should be restored, but many deserve the opportunity.

Life is too short to let pride, assumptions, or old wounds write the final chapter. Perhaps the opposite of estrangement isn't agreement—it is the willingness to remain curious, to seek understanding, and to leave room for reconciliation whenever possible.

After all, our greatest gifts are often found not in being right, but in staying connected.

LIFE IN A WORD

The word is IF

Definition: Merriam-Webster Dictionary - used as a function word to introduce an exclamation expressing a wish

About "LIFE IN A WORD"

Each month, I select one word that captures a powerful life lesson - one that has shaped how I think, feel, and grow. My hope is that these reflections inspire you to pause, look inward, and explore what that same word might mean in your own life.

Posted 2/26/26

My first blog on July 8, 2022 focused on the word purpose. I used it as I shared a story about how my 88 year old mother, who lost her independence, and way of life after a stroke, found her purpose. 

Today, as I sit on a recliner beside the bed of my now 94 year old mother in the memory care unit of an assisted living facility, I’m thinking a lot about the world around me and asking many questions. Most of them begin with the word “IF”. Such a small word, but one that carries so many perspectives, opportunities, questions, challenges to the mind, doubts and contemplations. 

If I never…

If I always…

If I could…

If I should…

The “ifs” of life are infinite. So much of what I guide my clients through about their own lives is the importance of surrendering to the uncertainties of life but also reaching for the possibilities of change. In other words, some of the “ifs in life are not up for grabs, but some are.

So as I sit next to what could be the last few days of hearing my mother breathe or speak, I am remembering the feelings shared by other daughters as they reflected back on the last days of caring for their mom’s. The struggle of questioning if they did enough.

I witnessed their commitment and their love for years and I know that there is no judgment to be had that would say they didn’t do enough. They did enough. They did their best. No matter how many times they heard it from me or others — or even told it to themselves in quiet moments — the doubt still lingers.

Today I am finding strength when those same friends and others speak similar words to me.  What was true for them is true for me - we did our best for those we loved. The late-night calls. The appointments. The sacrifices. The moments of patience.

While these days pass and I watch as my mom prepares to leave this world, I am finding comfort by embracing the times I didn’t say “if” and just said “do”. Do is defined as bringing about, committing and executing. And I will echo to all the other daughters out there - try not to struggle with the haunting question of “if”, allow the reality that we can surrender to the uncertainties of life and still embrace the love, caring and strength we exhibited when we “did”all we did. When we went the extra mile more often than not. Not because we had to, but because it was within our hearts to do so. This chapter of life, the reality of the daughter becoming the mother, is a bitter sweet one.

As our mothers were there for us from the moment of conception, through all the milestones of life, so too are we poised at their side as they are poised for leaving this world for heaven or whatever you believe is our final resting place. 

It is because I have witnessed the love and devotion of these daughters that I have come to deliver this message. You did a lot. You didn’t pause and say, if, you made the decision to do. To be there as much as you could, to create space in your life when the life of your loved one was nearing the end of their space in this world. 

And if you got to do it all over again, you’d do it exactly the same way. I direct this same message to everyone who has lost a loved one or is going through one of life’s more difficult chapters. 

Wear your heart honestly and your love proudly. And, if you ever doubt if you did enough, remind yourself that you did good. Because deep down inside, you know you did.