"LIFE IN A WORD"

The Word is Transition

Definition: Merriam-Webster Dictionary: a period or phase in which a change or shift is happening

Posted 9/12/22

As we enter the month of September, I thought it fitting to talk about the transition that occurs when high school seniors become college freshmen. For parents, it is a particularly hard transition that yields many emotions, concerns, and questions. “Where did the years go?” usually tops the list.

My Story on Transition

I was texting with a friend last week about her son, who was heading off to college. Her words triggered my memory of the day I took my son to college.

Our drive down was uneventful. Few words were exchanged between us. Perhaps we were all lost in our thoughts. My thoughts centered on holding things together. To be clear, I promised myself not to cry in front of my son, even though tears would most likely well up in my eyes from time to time.

Upon our arrival, ROTC students greeted us and with warp speed delivered my son's belongings to his dorm room. I soldiered on as we unpacked and set up his room. We then walked around campus, stopped for lunch, and went to the bookstore to buy a few sweatshirts bearing the college logo. We had stalled long enough and now it was time to leave our son and go back home. Fully intent on keeping it together, we said our goodbyes at the elevator on his dorm room floor. Walking the distance to the car for our goodbye hug would have proven much more challenging. The drive home was mostly quiet. I suppose we were lost in thought then too.

Once back home, this soldier of strength, this pillar of self-control melted like an ice cream cone on a hot summer day. As I stood outside my son’s bedroom door, it hit me. His room was now void of all his personal items and, more conspicuously it was void of him. His car was still in front of the house (I could see it through his bedroom window), but his keys were now in my pocket. That was the moment I completely lost it and sobbed for what must have been a good half hour. I took full advantage of this alone time. I found it to be profoundly cleansing. That was the word that filled my head when I finally composed myself. Do I continue to miss my son? Of course, I do. Now a married man and a parent himself I still miss the connections that come with living under the same roof.

Transition is difficult. But, as the saying goes, a parent gives their children wings to fly away and set their own course in life. We should all take comfort in knowing that transitions are natural and survivable. And lest we forget, those same wings that take them away from us are equally capable of bringing them back home and often do.

If you are experiencing a transition in your life and need some help reconciling it with yourself, it might be time to talk to a Life Coach. I hope you’ll reach out to me. I offer a free one-hour consultation to get us started. Email me at innervoicelifecoach08@gmail.com to schedule your appointment. Feel free to have a tissue on hand.

"LIFE IN A WORD"

The Word is Silver Linings (actually two words this week)

Definition: Merriam-Webster Dictionary - “a consoling or hopeful prospect”

Posted 8/22/22

“I don't want to stay in the bad place, where no one believes in silver linings or love or happy endings.”

― Matthew Quick, The Silver Linings Playbook

I think a lot about silver linings. I would go so far as to say I consciously seek them out when my life or the life of someone I know has taken an unexpected turn.

My Story on Silver Linings

My father was a quiet man. Talking about his emotions did not come easy for him. He didn’t say the words “I love you” to me until I was in my twenties and only because I asked him to. He would show his love in other ways but not in words.

My father was someone I loved and respected for his honesty, his courage, his protective nature, and his belief in doing the right thing. He was not a rule breaker or a cheat. But he was determined to cheat cancer when it challenged his body, his life. That was the fighter in him, which gave light to the fighter in me. Our silver lining was that of a newfound emotional bond between father and daughter born out of a diagnosis of terminal cancer and a will to live.

It may seem impossible to find a silver lining when your life has taken a turn for the worse. What you initially may need is time to absorb it, space to come to grips with it, and perhaps the shoulder of someone with whom to rest your head to share it. But as time goes on, as changes occur, and new people come into your life, the sighting of a silver lining shining in your direction may be what you need to fill the hole in your heart or the gap left in your life by the change that has taken place. It is what allows you to move on.

I was forty-one when my dad died. I’ll never forget the last time I saw him. I had a very early flight back to Boston and somehow he gathered up the strength to rise from his bed and walk into the kitchen to say goodbye to me. We knew this was the last time we would see each other. That act of strength, our final hug, and the last words he said to me - I love you - is the silver lining I carry with me always.

I want this blog to convey the value of finding that silver lining when you feel lost in a dark cloud or phase of your life that you never anticipated or were remotely prepared for. Something positive can be found when you’re open to it. And if you need help finding it, it might be time to work with a Life Coach, I hope you’ll reach out to me so we can find it together.

I offer a free one-hour consultation to get us started. Email me at innervoicelifecoach08@gmail.com and let’s get started.

"LIFE IN A WORD"

The Word is FUN

Definition: Merriam-Webster Dictionary: "what provides amusement or enjoyment"

Posted 8/8/22

Two things I have recently taken note of:

1. The summer of 2022 is flying by and

2. The world around us is still somewhat of a mess

So I decided to consciously turn off the noise, take advantage of the outdoors, and search for some good clean fun before the summer comes to an end.

What I landed on was the latest craze - Pickleball. Although it carries, what some might call, a silly name it seems to appeal to every generation and population. A few stories are floating around about how the game got its name. I liked the one that says one of the founders had a dog named Pickles who liked chasing balls. Fact? Fiction? Who knows for sure, but it delivered on my search for something fun. What I like more is the fact that this new sport (a cross between tennis, badminton, and ping pong) brings people of all ages, backgrounds, and skill sets together to play a game, learn from each other, and most importantly, to have fun.

My Story on Fun

My story begins on a Tuesday morning in July when I visited the recently built Pickleball courts, conveniently located just five minutes from my home. People all around me had been participating in this game for a few years, so when invited by a friend to watch him play, I accepted. Within minutes of my sitting on the courtside bench, a woman sat next to me, and we started talking. I explained that I was there as a spectator, seeking to satisfy my curiosity about the game. She voluntarily began teaching me the basics of Pickleball, the serve, the meaning of the lines, the scoring, and some basic strategies. A few minutes later, someone I hadn’t seen in years, overheard us talking and generously invited me to borrow one of her Pickleball paddles and play! “Nothing like just getting out there and doing it”, she said. Since I have enjoyed playing tennis, badminton, and ping pong over the years, I was all in. Within half an hour of my spectator status, I found myself on a court with three other ladies (only one of whom I knew) playing Pickleball. I had done some reading on the game the night before so I had some sense of what they were instructing me to do. They were patient and shared their insights. In no time at all, I was returning balls and scoring points. Amazing!

So what’s the point of bringing Pickleball into my blog on fun? The point is I see it as an example of what happens when people find common ground and work together. Random acts of kindness (welcoming someone new to the game), educating someone through sharing of information (or a paddle), and inclusion (inviting them to play) might be the best antidote to some of the messes in our world. So I invite you to think about how you might help make someone else’s life better and in the process maybe even have a little fun.

Here’s to Pickles, where ever you are. Thanks for putting some fun in my life as I spend the rest of the summer of 2022 chasing balls, just like you!

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If you (or someone you know) are looking to add something positive to your life, it might be time to talk to a Life Coach. I hope you'll reach out to me. As your coach, we will work together to figure it out. I offer a free one hour consultation to get things started. Please email me at innervoicelifecoach08@gmail.com or go to the Contact Page on this website to schedule your appointment. Thank you.