LIFE IN A WORD

The Word is LOSS

Definition: Merriam-Webster Dictionary: an instance of losing someone or something

Posted 12/18/24

My Story on Loss

I am writing this with tears in my eyes. I have just lost another friend to an incurable illness. She was someone I came to know during my visits to my mom’s Senior Living Facility.

We met at the salon in the Assisted Living facility. We started a conversation, and it was one of those rare connections where you instantly “click.”

Ironically, we shared a birthdate, were both born in Brooklyn and lived on Long Island for parts of our lives.

In a note to her daughter after learning of her passing, I wrote about how she was dealt an unfair hand at an early age. She was only eight years older than me. I wished I had met her sooner. Her feistiness, drive, artistic talents, and love of life were contagious, even as she bravely fought her illness. I feel blessed to have called her my friend.

Over the past five years, I have met nearly a hundred people at my mom’s Senior Living Facility. Many have passed—far too many to count. Sadness and the sense of loss hits me every time. Some I had the pleasure of sharing stories and hugs with. Others, I knew by exchanging pleasantries as we passed each other in the hall. I am grateful for the sweet and caring connections I have made with each of them. And it is from this place of gratitude that I want to shift the focus of this story, from loss to appreciation, and how gratitude has helped me find solace. I hope that, after reading this, you might find the same comfort in moments of loss.

Senior centers typically offer three living options: Independent Living, Assisted Living, and Memory Care. These stages mirror the phases of life and the level of care required.

Watching friends and acquaintances travel their paths, I take note. Some face their challenges with optimism, strength, and unwavering smiles. They affirm their resilience through their words and actions, and I learn from them. Others find themselves overwhelmed by loss—their health, independence, and joy. From them, I learn too. The question that often comes to mind is: How prepared are we for these inevitable changes? Can we ever truly be ready?

What I’ve discovered is this: with gratitude, we can make the most of every moment—past, present, and future.

The past allows us to relive cherished memories. We can revisit those happy, more active times through photographs or hearing stories retold by friends and family.

The present invites us to find meaning in the here and now. Even simple acts—reading a book, calling a friend, attending a community activity—can give purpose to our days.

The future, while unpredictable, is still ours to dream about. What if we dared to ask for what we truly want? Whether it’s a special request for your next birthday or holiday, or a bold new vision for your life, take charge of your dreams and watch them come to fruition.

As the holidays approach, I want to leave you with this comforting thought: Grief is an acknowledgment that someone matters to us. So, as you reflect on the loss of a loved one, this holiday season, remember all that remains because they were part of your life. Recall the joy they brought, the lessons you learned, the shared laughter and tears, and the quiet moments. Be grateful for all that you are—past, present, and future—because they were in your life. Know that a part of them stays with you always when you let it.

I wish you a happy and healthy holiday season. May it be filled with heartwarming stories of the past, the present, and dreams for the future.

If you need guidance in navigating your feelings of loss, please contact me for a free consultation. Let’s rediscover those losses through gratitude and love. Email me at innervoicelifecoach08@gmail.com—I’m confident our time together will be well spent.

LIFE IN A WORD

The Word is THANKSGIVING (with a shift)

Definition: Merriam Webster Dictionary: The act of giving thanks.

Posted 12/9/24

My Story on Thanksgiving

I love words, mostly because they carry the power to shape stories and teach life lessons, which is why, I like to give certain words a second look. Having just enjoyed the Thanksgiving holiday, I decided to offer a new take on the word Thanksgiving by adding a simple hyphen: Thanks - giving.

Thanks - giving hyphenated can deliver not one but two distinct and meaningful interpretations, stories, and life lessons. One is for giving thanks for what we have and the other is for recognizing the joy of giving to others.

Commercial purchases aside, let me share a story about giving. Last weekend, I gave my 4-year-old grandson the gift of teaching him to cook one of his favorite cookies. Cookies I traditionally make for him and not with him. Something he has always been thankful for.

By giving him my time, a chef's apron, M&M’s, chocolate chips, sugar, cinnamon, and walnuts with which to sprinkle over a pastry dough, I gave him the gift of fun, of making a memory with his grandmother and the pride in having created something he could enjoy and share with others. 

Giving to others by sharing what we are lucky enough to have to enhance their lives can take many forms. During the holiday season, when my children were younger, we would be given the name of a family and a wish list with their needs. We would wrap the gifts and deliver them to the welcoming family. We also asked our children to donate one of their holiday gifts as a life lesson. The lesson, "It is better to give than to receive".

As a Life Coach, I take pride in giving my clients specific tools. Reframing is one. It means taking a bad situation and making it better. Being stuck in traffic can be frustrating, or being stuck in traffic allows you time to make a call or listen to a favorite podcast. Turning a bad situation into somewhat of a gift. In this case, the gift of time. That's the tool of reframing in a nutshell.

The tool of memory is a reminder of past success. This is another helpful tool. If a current client is not happy with the job you completed (even though they approved it every step of the way) you can remember all the satisfied clients you had, thereby restoring your confidence and moving on to the next job feeling inspired and not deflated.

The gift my clients give back to me is the smile on their faces and the pride they share for reaching their goals. I am very thankful for that.

As we move through this holiday season, may you feel gratitude for all you have, and may you feel the joy that comes with giving to others. That is the true spirit behind the word Thanks - giving (with a hyphen).

Happy Holidays to all. May this coming year be filled with kindness, peace, and love.

***********************************************

If you or someone you know are looking to prepare for the challenges the holidays can stir up, I invite you to have a conversation with me. There is no cost or obligation, simply an opportunity to share your concerns with a Life Coach who is looking to empower you with a few of life's management tools.

Please click on this link to schedule an appointment. I am confident it will be time well spent.

https://www.innervoicehealthandlifecoaching.com/contact-4

A reminder, there is no cost or obligation, merely an opportunity for me to embrace the gift of giving.

LIFE IN A WORD

The Word is CHOICE

Definition: Merriam-Webster Dictionary - the act or opportunity of choosing or the thing chosen. Choosing: to select freely and after consideration

“Today I make great choices because they are made with full awareness”.  Deepak Chopra

Given the unsettling events happening across the world, I have made a conscious choice to seek peace. I do this through selective engagement—allowing myself to occasionally step back from sources of negativity and stress to embrace that which brings me peace. It’s a mindful practice that lets me focus on the joy within my control while minimizing the impact of what’s beyond my reach.

My Story on Choice

My mom, a 93-year-old stroke survivor of five years, has lost much of her independence. Some mornings, when I see the look of defeat on her face, I tell her it’s okay to feel overwhelmed by life’s difficulties. We all need moments of pause to acknowledge the weight of our struggles. But then, I remind her to lift her head and take in the beauty that still surrounds her—the photos, paintings, music, and memories that fill her apartment. I encourage her to look beyond the immediate challenges and into the vast space of hope and possibility.

I’m not advocating burying your head in the sand, far from it. I’m encouraging those around me to consciously shift focus to the simple moments that bring a smile, a laugh, or a sense of accomplishment. It’s about taking control of your thoughts and actions in ways that lift you, rather than allowing external forces to tear you down.

Here are some choices I've made that I'd like to offer you:

1. Selective engagement a.k.a. selective avoidance. It protects my mental health and allows me to focus on the life I love. For example, I limit my news consumption to 15 minutes in the morning. This brief update is enough to keep me informed, without overwhelming me or setting a negative tone for the day.

2. Minimize the worry. Most of what we worry about never happens. Research from Psychology today revealed that 80% of our fears are unfounded. I hold on to that statistic, reminding myself not to waste energy on things I can’t control or that may never come to pass.

3. Practice gratitude daily. As part of my morning routine, I meditate. Meditation allows me to contemplate the good in my life. Gratitude shifts our focus to the positive, even in difficult times.

4. Three good things. When negative thoughts creep in, I pause and ask myself: What are three good things about today? Neuroscientists have discovered that thinking of three positive things can quickly shift our mood from down to uplifted. Try it yourself, and you’ll notice how the smile replaces the frown. Thankfully, our brains are wired this way. This is an option with an unlimited lifespan.

As a Life Coach, I understand how avoidance is often viewed negatively, as a way to escape or ignore life’s challenges. The common wisdom is that we must confront our problems because, if left unchecked, they often grow more difficult to face. And while this is true, I also believe there are times when a thoughtful, temporary retreat can preserve our mental and emotional health. Sometimes, in particularly troubling times—whether illness, loss, or world events—stepping back to protect your peace is not only healthy, it’s necessary.

I encourage everyone struggling with life’s many challenges to take a moment to imagine the sun on your face—that feeling of warmth and calm. Know that every day we have the power to lift our heads out of the darkness and into the light. And it’s in that light that we find our strength.

If you are struggling, let's have a conversation. There is no cost or obligation, just an opportunity to share your thoughts with a certified Life Coach. After our discussion, if you feel uplifted and ready to make some changes, on your own, that's great. But if you'd like to have more conversations I welcome the opportunity to work with you as your coach. Please follow this link to contact me and set up an appointment. Thank you.

https://www.innervoicehealthandlifecoaching.com/contact-4