"LIFE IN A WORD"

The word is BELONG

Definition: Merriam-Webster Dictionary: "to be an attribute, part, adjunct, or function of a person or thing"

During my training as a Health and Life Coach, I learned that we come into the world with three basic human needs. These needs stay with us throughout our lives:

The need to be safe (protected)

The need to be loved (cared for and nurtured)

The need to belong (as in a family or a community).

Today, I want to focus on the need to belong.

My Story on Belong

For most of us, our introduction to belonging starts at birth. We are born into a family that loves and cares for us. As we get older we find ourselves leaving our safe, loving homes to seek out new places to belong.

Consider, for a moment, how we react when walking into a room full of strangers. Our instincts may draw us to the person in the room we have something in common with, maybe drawn to the way they look or dress. Sometimes we are drawn in by a conversation we overhear. If we feel comfortable, we introduce ourselves and engage. We seek common ground to fit in, to belong, and to find happiness.

What if you are a person who is uncomfortable at the thought of engaging with strangers?

Roy T. Bennett, author of “The Light In The Heart” advised, “Take responsibility for your own happiness, never put it in other people’s hands”. At first glance, this might sound harsh. However, I see it as a means of motivating you to satisfy an unrealized desire to belong.

But it isn't always easy. As human beings, we are filled with all kinds of emotions that hold us back. When someone asks how we are, we say we’re fine. When someone asks if we need anything, we instinctively answer in the negative. Our responses are often driven by old habits and behaviors. Sometimes we don't want to be a burden or appear needy. But in holding on to our independence we might be compromising our happiness and missing out on opportunities to engage and belong.

As a Transition Coach, I open my door to you. If you're not sure you're ready to work with a coach, ask yourself the following few questions:

- Do I feel stuck and fear stepping out of my comfort zone?

If so, we will address your fear and move you forward.

- Do I procrastinate and feel bad about it?

We will work to motivate you. You’ll replace feelings of frustration and defeat with feelings of success and empowerment.

- Are old habits and behaviors holding me back?

We will find new ones that move you forward.

- Am I hiding a part of me that shines for fear of rejection or failure?

We will draw it out.

- Does a lifelong goal seem out of reach?

We will take another look.

Everyone is struggling with something and transitioning can be scary.

So, I ask you to consider the advice given by Roy T. Bennett, to take responsibility for your happiness.

Taking the first step can be hard, but you won't be taking it alone. As your coach, we'll work together. To get you started, I offer a 60-minute consultation at no charge.

Please email me at innervoicelifecoach08@gmail.com to schedule a time. Thank you for reading my blog. I hope it has motivated and inspired you.

"LIFE IN A WORD"

The word is RESILIENCE

Definition: Merriam-Webster Dictionary - “an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change”

and

“the capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by compressive stress”

My Story on Resilience

Life is hard.

Life isn’t fair.

Life takes us to dark places.

These are all true statements. They are statements that haunt and challenge us. But at the end of the day, we must accept the facts behind them and with the tool of resilience, allow ourselves to, in time, draw strength from them and move forward.

This past year has been a year of sadness and loss for so many. Whether it be the floods caused by hurricane Ian in Florida or the loss of a loved one from Covid or Cancer, resilience is the tool we reach for to recover from our losses.

I have cited two Merriam-Webster definitions in this week's blog. I find the first one - “an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change” a cerebral definition. We can mindfully grasp and recover using rational thinking and by engaging the support of others. We intellectualize it.

The second describes a physical transformation and captures more of how I’m feeling today; “the capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by compressive stress” The loss of a loved one, for example, delivers an unimaginable weight of sorrow. Our bodies instinctively compress from the impact, taking on different sizes and shapes. We hug each other, we curl up, we shrink, and we instinctively go back to the fetal position of the womb to shut our bodies and our minds down. There is a sense of safety, maybe even comfort, in the warmth, quiet, and solitude there. That’s the vision this second definition holds for me.

But the womb is a temporary place of growth and sorrow and grief are places we need to come out of. Resilience allows us to gradually step out of the pain, unfurl our bodies and re-engage with the world stronger than we were before.

I recently read a quote written by Dr. Seuss.

“When something bad happens you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.

Resilience doesn’t erase the loss, no, those feelings run deep. But by following Dr. Seuss’s advice perhaps his option of letting it strengthen us enables us to absorb the hardships, the unfairness, and the darkness of life and come back stronger than we were before. Perhaps then we can share our strength with others who are also suffering.

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If you’re having trouble finding that strength, if resilience doesn’t come easy, it may be time to talk to a Life Coach. I hope you’ll reach out to me. Together we’ll discover resilience, strength, and peace.

Please email me to set up a free half-hour consultation: innervoicelifecoach08@gmail.com. Thank you for reading my blog. I hope it has inspired you to take action and build on your strength.

"LIFE IN A WORD"

The Word is Transition

Definition: Merriam-Webster Dictionary: a period or phase in which a change or shift is happening

Posted 9/12/22

As we enter the month of September, I thought it fitting to talk about the transition that occurs when high school seniors become college freshmen. For parents, it is a particularly hard transition that yields many emotions, concerns, and questions. “Where did the years go?” usually tops the list.

My Story on Transition

I was texting with a friend last week about her son, who was heading off to college. Her words triggered my memory of the day I took my son to college.

Our drive down was uneventful. Few words were exchanged between us. Perhaps we were all lost in our thoughts. My thoughts centered on holding things together. To be clear, I promised myself not to cry in front of my son, even though tears would most likely well up in my eyes from time to time.

Upon our arrival, ROTC students greeted us and with warp speed delivered my son's belongings to his dorm room. I soldiered on as we unpacked and set up his room. We then walked around campus, stopped for lunch, and went to the bookstore to buy a few sweatshirts bearing the college logo. We had stalled long enough and now it was time to leave our son and go back home. Fully intent on keeping it together, we said our goodbyes at the elevator on his dorm room floor. Walking the distance to the car for our goodbye hug would have proven much more challenging. The drive home was mostly quiet. I suppose we were lost in thought then too.

Once back home, this soldier of strength, this pillar of self-control melted like an ice cream cone on a hot summer day. As I stood outside my son’s bedroom door, it hit me. His room was now void of all his personal items and, more conspicuously it was void of him. His car was still in front of the house (I could see it through his bedroom window), but his keys were now in my pocket. That was the moment I completely lost it and sobbed for what must have been a good half hour. I took full advantage of this alone time. I found it to be profoundly cleansing. That was the word that filled my head when I finally composed myself. Do I continue to miss my son? Of course, I do. Now a married man and a parent himself I still miss the connections that come with living under the same roof.

Transition is difficult. But, as the saying goes, a parent gives their children wings to fly away and set their own course in life. We should all take comfort in knowing that transitions are natural and survivable. And lest we forget, those same wings that take them away from us are equally capable of bringing them back home and often do.

If you are experiencing a transition in your life and need some help reconciling it with yourself, it might be time to talk to a Life Coach. I hope you’ll reach out to me. I offer a free one-hour consultation to get us started. Email me at innervoicelifecoach08@gmail.com to schedule your appointment. Feel free to have a tissue on hand.