"LIFE IN A WORD"

Welcome to My Life Coaching Blog.

The word is: BALANCE

Definition: Per Merriam-Webster Dictionary: "mental and emotional steadiness"

Posted March 30, 2022

I know the phrase "work/life balance" comes to mind at the mention of the word “balance”. But, I’m going to take you in a slightly different direction today. I want to focus on the importance of balance in our bodies before we even walk out the door and take on whatever is waiting for us out there.

My Story on Balance

I start every day striving to achieve balance.

It started in March of 2020. Beyond the isolation brought on by the Pandemic, other challenges were going on in my life, so I committed to begin each day by practicing yoga. I found a class on YouTube that suited my needs perfectly. So there I was, an audience of one seeking to achieve balance at the start of each new day from the yoga mat on the floor of my family room. It was a plan that continues to deliver.

Through deep breathing, mental focusing, and coordinated body movement, I steady myself for the day ahead. I take classes designed to take away any aches or pains that might prevent me from finding balance. If I have pain in my lower back, a crick in my neck, or if I’m experiencing stress, I find the class that puts my body and mind back in balance.

I practice yoga. Yoga is referred to as a "practice" for a reason. Every day is different. Our bodies and our minds react to any number of outside forces. What we did yesterday may or may not affect what we need to do today. So we practice a little differently each day. One might say that every day is a balancing act on and off the yoga mat. Losing balance in your body and your mind literally and metaphorically happens. And it happens to all of us. So if I fall or lose footing, that reality gives me permission to start over, refocus, shift my weight and sometimes just acknowledge that for today, that side of my body just wasn’t meant to flow in quite that way. Ironically, there is a degree of balance to be had in recognizing that and a degree of peace as well.

If you’re having a hard time finding balance, it might be time to talk to a Life Coach. I hope you’ll reach out to me. Thank you for reading my blog. I hope you’ll come back next week when the word will be GRATITUDE.

"LIFE IN A WORD"

Welcome to My Life Coaching Blog.

The word is: ACCEPTANCE

Definition: Per Merriam-Webster Dictionary: "The act of accepting someone or something"

Posted March 22, 2022

At various times, life as you imagined it will fall out of line. When it does, your best recourse will be acceptance. And it’s important to note that acceptance is not weakness, quite the contrary. Acceptance is having the strength to realize there is a way to lighten your load, even when it’s weighing you down in ways you could never have imagined. Acceptance allows you to move on.

For this weeks’ blog, I’ve written two short stories. I hope they inspire and motivate you.

My Stories on Acceptance:

Story #1: LIFE

"We’re having a baby" a woman says to her partner. More joyful words were never spoken. Sharing them with friends and family enhances the experience. There are celebrations, perhaps a reveal party, and a baby shower. Nine months later you bring your baby home. There are more celebrations. Friends and family are coming by bearing gifts and good cheer.

Things settle down, and it’s just you two and this beautiful bundle of joy. Sure, you’re prepared for a few sleepless nights, and there is most definitely a learning curve that keeps you going down all kinds of new and obscure roads - diaper rash, projectile vomiting, barking coughs (what the heck was that horrible sound coming from our beautiful baby's mouth?), fevers, and crying, oh yes, lots and lots of crying.

A few months later, there comes a phone call, from one of those friends who visited bearing gifts. This currently childfree couple invites you to a concert. Your favorite band is coming to town she says and they have managed to obtain the best seats in the house and backstage passes to boot! Sure, you say. We wouldn't miss it. THANK YOU!

When you hang up the phone you look around your house. You see the random toys strewn all over the place, the unsightly food-stained onesies permeating an unseemly smell you literally gag from. There is a field of play stations providing shapes and colors recommended to keep your baby stimulated and engaged so her brain can develop according to the stages you have voraciously been reading about all these months. And then comes the realization that you are exhausted, not only in the morning, not only in the afternoon or at night. Oh no, you are exhausted all the time! A concert they say. You can't help but laugh out loud.

The birth of a child takes the focus off the parents and lands it squarely on the sweet face of the baby. Without us, you say, she quite literally could not survive. So you accept this change in priorities. You embrace the miracle of this new life that has totally rattled your world and you apologetically call your friend back to say thanks, but we’re not going to be able to make it this time. Note you are consciously leaving the door open for some time in the future, a time when you feel somewhat comfortable wrangling your parents into babysitting. Maybe you'll even convince them to take the baby overnight! You accept this. This is acceptable, for now.

Story #2: LOSS

I believe we should all live our lives as best we can, with kindness, compassion, and love. For we don’t know when it will be taken from us.

My dad was a Captain in the New York City Fire Department for twenty years. He moved down to Florida at age 45 to start all over again in Miami. His status in Florida was “rookie” and he had to undergo all the rigorous training of a twenty-year-old. Not only did he succeed, but he became a mentor for all in his class due to his years of experience working the somewhat challenging streets of New York City.

In April of 1996, my dad was diagnosed with cancer. Here was a man who appeared to be in perfect physical shape. At 65 my dad had a six-pack and I’m not talking about the beer. He loved his job and the fact that he spent most of it saving other people's lives. He was extremely healthy until he wasn’t. He died in May of 1998.

I read Rabbi Harold Kushner’s book titled “When Bad Things Happen to Good People”.

I went through the five stages of grief laid out in Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's book “On Death and Dying” - Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and only then, Acceptance.

And I cried a lot. I still cry. Did he die too soon? Yes. Did he miss out on watching my children grow up and did he lose out on meeting his two great-grandsons? Yes, he did. But mostly I accept and remember all the good times. I have pictures of my dad in strategically spaced places in my home. He is never far from my vision or my thoughts. Did he die too soon, yes, but I have learned to accept this.

I know it sounds cliche, but my best advice to myself and to you is to live every day, be true to who you are, and learn that there is strength in letting go and moving on. Acceptance is often the key that lets us do all of that.

If you are looking for some guidance on how to accept something you are currently facing, it might be time to talk to a Life Coach. I hope you'll reach out to me.

Thank you for reading my blog and for checking back next week when the word will be BALANCE.

"LIFE IN A WORD"

Posted 3/15/22

Welcome to My Life Coaching Blog.

The word is: BREATHE

Definition: Per Merriam-Webster Dictionary: "To feel free of restraint"

BREATHE. Please take a moment and say the word softly to yourself and notice what a genuinely calming effect the sound of such a small word can have. Breathe.

Years before I was a Life Coach, I was a Childbirth Educator and a Labor Coach. Childbirth can conjure up images from our own experiences, or the portrayal of births in movies, on TV or, by reading about it in books. In my training, I learned the process of breathing in childbirth is pivotal. During labor, breathing is a tool for distraction from the pain and a means of delivering oxygen needed to fuel both mother and child. It is what helps women to keep going, to keep progressing, and ultimately, to deliver a new life. So, I invite you now to continue reading, breathe normally and enjoy my story.

My Story on Breathe:

Do you know how sometimes a memory stays with you your entire life? You may not have all the details in place but you remember the impact it had on you then and the message it continues to carry. Every time I think about childbirth, I think of a paper I wrote for a Sociology class my sophomore year of college. The focus was on how different the childbirth experience can be from one culture to another. I took the journey of several women in my research. I remember typing slowly and breathing normally as I formulated my research thoughts into sentences and transferred those sentences onto a page.

There was one particular woman I recall who was laboring ever so slowly. Her breaths got longer and deeper as she progressed, keeping her pain down and her oxygen levels up. As she continued along this steady path, I could feel a change in my own body. I had started slow and steady while typing and then fell in step with the breathing rhythm of her labor. And so it went for a while. As the last stage of her labor set in, I continued to type but I found myself so caught up in what I was typing, that I began typing faster and faster. It was as if I too were in labor, breathing and pushing along with the woman I was writing about. I felt my fingers hitting the keys harder and harder as if my typing would somehow take away her pain or deliver the baby sooner. I felt that way for a good few minutes. Had anyone been in my room watching me, they surely would have called for a doctor. I was sweating and breathing heavily along with the words I was putting on the page. Then came my final sentence, sharing the baby's first cry, the joy that the pain was gone, the baby was healthy, and the labor, although exhausting at times, had passed. My sweating and heavy breathing also passed, so no doctor was necessary. It became clear that what I was experiencing was visceral.

The empowering ability to control our breath during childbirth cannot be understated. In the same way, neither can the empowering effects of controlled breathing on reducing stress and anxiety in our day-to-day lives. Note that I was typing faster and faster, when the woman was in pain. My own stress level was rising as I experienced her progressing labor, similar to stress levels rising when the pain of life can get somewhat unbearable.

Our bodies and minds react by shutting down when stressed. The rhythm of deep cleansing breaths allows us to take a step back long enough for our bodies to open up, refuel and re-energize. We come away with a clearer head and a more relaxed body so we can better manage whatever is challenging us. As with childbirth, our power over our bodies through breathing, can help take away the pain, feel healthy again and know that our labors, although exhausting at times, will pass so that we too can enjoy a new life.

If you find yourself needing help relieving stress and would like to learn some breathing exercises I hope you’ll email me.

Email Me

Thank you for reading my blog and for checking back next week when the word will be ACCEPTANCE.