"LIFE IN A WORD"

The word is RESILIENCE

Definition: Merriam-Webster Dictionary - “an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change”

and

“the capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by compressive stress”

My Story on Resilience

Life is hard.

Life isn’t fair.

Life takes us to dark places.

These are all true statements. They are statements that haunt and challenge us. But at the end of the day, we must accept the facts behind them and with the tool of resilience, allow ourselves to, in time, draw strength from them and move forward.

This past year has been a year of sadness and loss for so many. Whether it be the floods caused by hurricane Ian in Florida or the loss of a loved one from Covid or Cancer, resilience is the tool we reach for to recover from our losses.

I have cited two Merriam-Webster definitions in this week's blog. I find the first one - “an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change” a cerebral definition. We can mindfully grasp and recover using rational thinking and by engaging the support of others. We intellectualize it.

The second describes a physical transformation and captures more of how I’m feeling today; “the capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by compressive stress” The loss of a loved one, for example, delivers an unimaginable weight of sorrow. Our bodies instinctively compress from the impact, taking on different sizes and shapes. We hug each other, we curl up, we shrink, and we instinctively go back to the fetal position of the womb to shut our bodies and our minds down. There is a sense of safety, maybe even comfort, in the warmth, quiet, and solitude there. That’s the vision this second definition holds for me.

But the womb is a temporary place of growth and sorrow and grief are places we need to come out of. Resilience allows us to gradually step out of the pain, unfurl our bodies and re-engage with the world stronger than we were before.

I recently read a quote written by Dr. Seuss.

“When something bad happens you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.

Resilience doesn’t erase the loss, no, those feelings run deep. But by following Dr. Seuss’s advice perhaps his option of letting it strengthen us enables us to absorb the hardships, the unfairness, and the darkness of life and come back stronger than we were before. Perhaps then we can share our strength with others who are also suffering.

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If you’re having trouble finding that strength, if resilience doesn’t come easy, it may be time to talk to a Life Coach. I hope you’ll reach out to me. Together we’ll discover resilience, strength, and peace.

Please email me to set up a free half-hour consultation: innervoicelifecoach08@gmail.com. Thank you for reading my blog. I hope it has inspired you to take action and build on your strength.

"LIFE IN A WORD"

The Word is Transition

Definition: Merriam-Webster Dictionary: a period or phase in which a change or shift is happening

Posted 9/12/22

As we enter the month of September, I thought it fitting to talk about the transition that occurs when high school seniors become college freshmen. For parents, it is a particularly hard transition that yields many emotions, concerns, and questions. “Where did the years go?” usually tops the list.

My Story on Transition

I was texting with a friend last week about her son, who was heading off to college. Her words triggered my memory of the day I took my son to college.

Our drive down was uneventful. Few words were exchanged between us. Perhaps we were all lost in our thoughts. My thoughts centered on holding things together. To be clear, I promised myself not to cry in front of my son, even though tears would most likely well up in my eyes from time to time.

Upon our arrival, ROTC students greeted us and with warp speed delivered my son's belongings to his dorm room. I soldiered on as we unpacked and set up his room. We then walked around campus, stopped for lunch, and went to the bookstore to buy a few sweatshirts bearing the college logo. We had stalled long enough and now it was time to leave our son and go back home. Fully intent on keeping it together, we said our goodbyes at the elevator on his dorm room floor. Walking the distance to the car for our goodbye hug would have proven much more challenging. The drive home was mostly quiet. I suppose we were lost in thought then too.

Once back home, this soldier of strength, this pillar of self-control melted like an ice cream cone on a hot summer day. As I stood outside my son’s bedroom door, it hit me. His room was now void of all his personal items and, more conspicuously it was void of him. His car was still in front of the house (I could see it through his bedroom window), but his keys were now in my pocket. That was the moment I completely lost it and sobbed for what must have been a good half hour. I took full advantage of this alone time. I found it to be profoundly cleansing. That was the word that filled my head when I finally composed myself. Do I continue to miss my son? Of course, I do. Now a married man and a parent himself I still miss the connections that come with living under the same roof.

Transition is difficult. But, as the saying goes, a parent gives their children wings to fly away and set their own course in life. We should all take comfort in knowing that transitions are natural and survivable. And lest we forget, those same wings that take them away from us are equally capable of bringing them back home and often do.

If you are experiencing a transition in your life and need some help reconciling it with yourself, it might be time to talk to a Life Coach. I hope you’ll reach out to me. I offer a free one-hour consultation to get us started. Email me at innervoicelifecoach08@gmail.com to schedule your appointment. Feel free to have a tissue on hand.

"LIFE IN A WORD"

The Word is Silver Linings (actually two words this week)

Definition: Merriam-Webster Dictionary - “a consoling or hopeful prospect”

Posted 8/22/22

“I don't want to stay in the bad place, where no one believes in silver linings or love or happy endings.”

― Matthew Quick, The Silver Linings Playbook

I think a lot about silver linings. I would go so far as to say I consciously seek them out when my life or the life of someone I know has taken an unexpected turn.

My Story on Silver Linings

My father was a quiet man. Talking about his emotions did not come easy for him. He didn’t say the words “I love you” to me until I was in my twenties and only because I asked him to. He would show his love in other ways but not in words.

My father was someone I loved and respected for his honesty, his courage, his protective nature, and his belief in doing the right thing. He was not a rule breaker or a cheat. But he was determined to cheat cancer when it challenged his body, his life. That was the fighter in him, which gave light to the fighter in me. Our silver lining was that of a newfound emotional bond between father and daughter born out of a diagnosis of terminal cancer and a will to live.

It may seem impossible to find a silver lining when your life has taken a turn for the worse. What you initially may need is time to absorb it, space to come to grips with it, and perhaps the shoulder of someone with whom to rest your head to share it. But as time goes on, as changes occur, and new people come into your life, the sighting of a silver lining shining in your direction may be what you need to fill the hole in your heart or the gap left in your life by the change that has taken place. It is what allows you to move on.

I was forty-one when my dad died. I’ll never forget the last time I saw him. I had a very early flight back to Boston and somehow he gathered up the strength to rise from his bed and walk into the kitchen to say goodbye to me. We knew this was the last time we would see each other. That act of strength, our final hug, and the last words he said to me - I love you - is the silver lining I carry with me always.

I want this blog to convey the value of finding that silver lining when you feel lost in a dark cloud or phase of your life that you never anticipated or were remotely prepared for. Something positive can be found when you’re open to it. And if you need help finding it, it might be time to work with a Life Coach, I hope you’ll reach out to me so we can find it together.

I offer a free one-hour consultation to get us started. Email me at innervoicelifecoach08@gmail.com and let’s get started.