"LIFE IN A WORD"

The Word: BELIEFS

Definition: Merriam-Webster Dictionary: “something that is accepted, considered to be true, or held as an opinion: something believed"

Posted 4/20/22

This blue and yellow image, is posted in support of the Ukrainian people and their undaunted belief in their country.

Beliefs can help to build us up and they can just as easily be instrumental in knocking us down. I chose this important word to reflect on today because the weight "beliefs" carry has an enormous impact on how we live our lives.

My Story on Beliefs

When I was twelve years old, a so-called “friend” started making fun of my physical appearance, specifically my hair. She said I had “dog hair”. I had no idea what that meant, but I knew it wasn’t meant to make me feel good about myself. Quite the contrary, it was meant to hurt and embarrass me. For my part, it mostly confused me because, ironically, all my life people had complimented me on my hair. The thought that there was anything wrong with it didn’t compute.

My earliest memory, was when I was four years old. Every Saturday afternoon, I would get in the car with my mom and go with her to the “beauty parlor” (that’s what they called hair salons back in the sixties). Inevitably, people would come up to us and say what beautiful hair I had. It happened all the time. For a while, being a young and impressionable kid, I believed I was the only person in the whole world who had thick, auburn hair. Why else would people be making such a fuss, I thought. Remember, I was four!

I inherited my hair from my dad, who also received a lot of compliments. It was not something I controlled or asked for, but the compliments allowed me to believe that I had something I could feel good about. I had nice hair. Did it empower me, like in the story of Samson and Delilah? No, of course not. But did compliments boost my confidence in my appearance? I think they probably did. Had I believed I had “dog hair” I might have been more self-conscious about my appearance and less confident.

Let’s go back to the mean girl scenario for a minute. From everything I’d been told over my vast twelve years on this planet, having dog hair was not one of them. Ironically, I remember laughing once the hurt subsided, because I had realized my hair was fine, but there was actually something about her hair that wasn’t quite right. Suffice it to say, if I were a “mean girl” I could probably have called her out and embarrassed her about the way her hair looked. I didn’t because my mom had always taught me if you don’t have something nice to say about someone, then don’t say anything at all. I also realized that I wouldn’t want to say something that would upset a friend and cause her to believe something was wrong with her. This “friend” had given me a sense of how it felt when someone did that and it didn’t feel good.

Mean boys and girls exist, and some of them grow up to be mean men and women.

Beliefs, real or falsely instilled in us by others, are powerful and they can stay with us, sometimes for a lifetime. Think about this, what if a friend said you were a terrible tennis player. Do you stop playing tennis because you believe she’s right or do you take more lessons and possibly end up being another Serena Williams? Or what if someone said you were stupid because you had a different academic aptitude than they did? It is well documented that Albert Einstein, a theoretical physicist and Nobel Prize winner, failed the entrance exams, to the polytechnic school in Zurich, in the language, zoology, and botany sections. Oh, and by the way, it is also said that this patent clerk, was so busy trying to support his family that he stopped combing his hair and visiting the barber. I wonder what would have happened if the great Albert Einstein had become distraught and distracted from his life's work because people had made fun of his hair.

There is so much to be learned about a person by understanding what their beliefs are and more importantly where those beliefs came from in the first place. What you believe about yourself matters. Believe in yourself, understand your strengths and your weaknesses and use your words carefully when criticizing others. Misguided beliefs about a person might deprive the rest of us of the contributions of a genius.

"LIFE IN A WORD"

The Word: Contentedness

Definition: Merriam-Webster Dictionary: “feeling or showing satisfaction with one's possessions, status, or situation."

We are living in challenging times. That is why it is so important to step back, take a breath or two and embrace the good moments. Find contentedness.

My Story on Contentedness

I attended a lecture a few years ago on stress. Ironically, it was while I was on a spa weekend.

A good friend invited me to escape the real world for a weekend of self-care. I imagined it would be a time to relax, with fellow escapees and embrace a world of healthy living, meditation, massage, and exercise. And yet, when it came time to choose a lecture, I decided to attend the one on stress. Go figure!

The speaker, a woman of around thirty, welcomed us. She walked around the room, making eye contact with each attendee, as she proceeded to ask us to get comfortable in our chairs and let go of any tension we might be holding in our bodies.

Feeling the lightness around her, she began her talk by describing how even on a spa weekend, we allow stress to enter our bodies. She went on to tell the story of a woman, who was scheduling a massage. If you’ve ever gotten a massage, you know that there are many types to choose from. This particular woman had narrowed them down to two. She chose a hot rock massage over a deep tissue massage. The relaxation element, the massage was supposed to deliver was, unfortunately, lost on this woman. It was lost because she had spent most of the time the masseuse was applying hot rocks to her body, stressing over whether she should have chosen the deep tissue massage instead.

That lecture was about 20 years ago, but I remember it well and do my best to abide by her words because the words made sense. She said, BE WHERE YOU ARE! I still have the t-shirt they gave us that weekend espousing the mantra.

I think it’s fair to say that most if not all of us have found ourselves in a situation where we can’t relax long enough to enjoy where we are in the moment. With that thought in mind, let me share some good advice I was given as my son’s wedding was approaching. I was told to take time to stop and just look around the room. Take it all in. Forget if the caterer is getting the food out quickly or if the band is taking too long of a break. Scan the room, embrace the people and the celebration they’ve all come to share. Be where you are.

One last note, as the holidays approach this weekend, be mindful of why you’re together. Maybe leave politics, the war, and all the rest of the noise outside the room you’re in. Embrace the moments. Choose each other to be content with.

"LIFE IN A WORD"

Welcome to My Life Coaching Blog.

The word is: GRATITUDE

Definition: Per Merriam-Webster Dictionary: "thankfulness"

Posted April 6, 2022

My Story on Gratitude

The word gratitude has significant meaning for me which is why, in this post, I will be sharing a part of my heart with you.

One of my favorite proverbs “No man is an island” captures the sentiment surrounding the word gratitude. Those powerful words assure us that none of us are truly alone or self-sufficient. That all of us rely on others for comfort to thrive. It is an excerpt from a sermon delivered by John Donne, a poet and English Cleric in the Church of England, back in 1624. The full excerpt states: "No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main..."

I tear up when I reflect on the boundless gratitude I have for so many people in my life. They are the people who have been there in good times and bad, disappointments, frustrations, and losses. They have helped me to be resilient and to draw strength from within to overcome challenges that might otherwise have drained me.

There is an image, I also want to share. It comes into my mind whenever I feel the unconditional support of the people in my life. It feels like a visual mantra because it calms me. It’s the bronze World War II Marine Corps Memorial that sits outside the District of Columbia. On February 23, 1945, six U.S. Marines climbed Mt. Suribachi and raised the American flag, signaling the US victory at Iwo Jima. Six soldiers forged ahead with all their strength and might to lift the American flag, securing its place on top of a hill for all to see. The US Marine Corps War Memorial is a very powerful symbol for many for a host of reasons. For me, it symbolizes the people in my life that always have my back. The people who steady and lift me during difficult times, reassuring me that I am not alone.

If you read my first blog on “Purpose”, you know that my mom had a stroke back in December of 2019. There are parts of her that I thought were gone, but they’ve been coming back day by day, and for that my gratitude goes out to all the people in her life; our family, her friends, her doctors, therapists, the amazing private aides she has had these past two years and the nurturing staff at her Assisted Living Facility. Her strength is improving and her resolve has never been better. My gratitude knows no bounds for all the people lifting her in body and spirit.

I would guess that we all have stories to share. That despite some of our more challenging moments we were extended a hand to hold, arms to embrace us, or legs to carry us. Who are you grateful to? Who holds you up? Who stands behind you with unconditional love to help you find your footing? If you haven’t told them lately, let them know the difference they have made in your life. Rest assured, they will be grateful to you for knowing that.

These are troubling times we're living. Embrace the people in your life who care and let them help. Let gratitude be a shared gift.